Do you need a wish from God? We all have needs, hopes, and dreams, but sometimes it is not until we reach the end of ourselves that we recognize our deepest needs of all. When I saw how hardened my heart had become because of all the poor choices I had made, I cried out to God for one wish…
Chapter 7: The Wish (an excerpt)
… a dark image flashed in my mind…the object appeared small, shriveled, and hardened. I instantly knew it was a picture of my heart. As it came further into focus, I saw my heart as an ugly, rotted mass of darkness. My eyes welled with tears as I saw what my heart had truly become. More than anything else, I wanted a new heart—a heart that would not cower behind self-made walls of fear, serving a lifetime sentence as both warden and prisoner—but one that would courageously reach out to love people.
…as tears battered my knuckles, I asked God for my one wish. Lord, I want a new heart. Immediately, a gentle calm washed over my spirit; however, what happened next took me completely by surprise. I had heard of people having visions though I had never experienced anything like this.
I found myself standing in Heaven, surrounded by an unimaginable, glorious light. A perfect peace unlike anything I’ve ever known triggered distant memories of me as a small child listening to my mother tenderly sing a lullaby. Someone appeared in the distance. My pulse quickened. I knew it had to be God…He turned to His side. A young girl was there. Had she been there all along? Too frightened to look directly at her face, I fixed my eyes on her golden-brown hair. Long waves bobbed playfully against the front of her delicate white dress…She turned to face me. I stole a glimpse at the little girl’s face. Wide-eyed with excitement, she nearly danced toward me.
My mind began to race. Is this? I swallowed hard. I couldn’t even say her name. Does she know what I did? I couldn’t bear the thought. Does she forgive me? What will she say?
Panic-stricken yet powerless, I just stood there. The pounding of my heart echoed through the heavens. Before I could piece together the countless reasons this little girl’s presence terrified me, we were standing face-to-face. Beaming with delight, she lifted her arms toward me, sending a tiny wisp of hair fluttering past her radiant smile…
I was both desperate to know I was forgiven but terrified to face my past, and yet until I accepted that my child had not rejected me, I would never be free to forgive myself. Praise God for the many ways He communicates the grace of forgiveness to us!
“For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person…” (1 Corinthians 7:22)
“If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts” (1 John 3:20)
What wish do you need from God?
This post is week 7 of an 8-week series introducing the story-driven bible study for post-abortion healing called, Worthy of Love. If you or someone you know needs hope, visit www.beautifulvoice.org to order your copy today. If you liked this post, you may also like Good News About Bad Stuff, or Chapter 4: The Mask.
Shadia serves on the Board of Directors for RealOptions Pregnancy Centers, holds a BA in Psychology, MA in Criminal Justice, and is currently completing a Masters of Biblical and Theological Studies at Western Seminary. For more information, please visit www.beautifulvoice.org.